Why I Disappeared for 5 Months

by Emma L. Gossett
Me in my favorite world- nature.

Hello again to all my dear friends, fellow entrepreneurs, manifesting babes and everyone in between!

 

I know, it’s been a terribly long time since I got on here or anywhere else for that matter. In fact it’s been over 6 months since I was really in all this entrepreneur stuff. I felt that the first of the new year was a perfect time to reconnect with my followers and friends. This is going to be a long post so hang in there. I promise it will be interesting!

So why did I disappear?  Let me call it Major Cosmic Download which is still continuing and I know will continue.

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

First a little background for those who are new friends to me- I started an internet marketing/entrepreneur journey 3 years ago exactly. I was gung-ho and did everything I should have.  (I actually started this blog then.)  I made money with it and so-so, I tried a lot of programs and made tons of friends.  I had a LOT of training in many areas of entrepreneurship.  I kept going on and off.  I knew that I would never be able to do the whole 9-5-work-for-someone-else kind of stuff and I had so much to give the world.  And I thought internet marketing was the way I would do this.  Well the universe is always thinking bigger!

 

I then got a millionaire mentor and started learning so much about myself, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The rush of emotions and the fast pace my mindset was changing caused me to fall into a deep and dark depression for about a month and a half.  This is when I disappeared!  It was bad but the weird thing was, I learned so much during that time it was like I had gone into another dimension to find out what I really wanted.  As I said, I quit.  I quit everything!  All marketing, all connections, all my live videos, groups, etc.  I quit social media too.  I just stopped and went out and got a temporary part time retail job so I could continue to pay bills.  I needed to seriously reflect and figure out were this was taking me.  More importantly what I wanted to do with life.  The online marketing I was doing, was great and all and I made money but I was not happy.  I was frantic, disassociated and not enjoying it at all.  I was also not believing in what I was doing, I didn’t like that most of what was out there was not worth my time and money.

It was time to level up!

My sister and I when our parents joined the cult

But to level up you have to have a solid foundation.  And for me that was the great and crazy question of ‘God’.  Since I had spent nearly my entire short life in a religious cult, I was raised on the notion of God which was a fundamentalist conservative version of evangelical American Christianity.  But from the moment my parents stepped foot there when I was just 4 years old I knew something was badly wrong. I had a not too secret righteous hatred for the leader of the cult.  I knew that was something badly wrong with him and this place.  But I mean I was only 4 so my responses were treated as childish rebellion and disobedience and disciplined promptly. which then withdrew me into a fantastical world for protection.  I built major heart walls to protect that heart of mine and separated myself from emotion in order to not be changed into everyone else. something important to remember is that there were no individuality in the cult.  Everyone was the same and treated the same.  Emotion was disallowed because emotion was a show of the ‘flesh’ which was evil.  If you let emotion out then you would start to question the leader’s decisions and he spoke for God, so you can do the math on what would happen then! 

Emma at 13
Note the traditional handmade uniform.

‘God’ was the base of everything we did.  Our home school curriculum was completely based on the their interpretation of the bible.  Children learned and memorized bible verses every single day.  Every question of life had a definition so all answers could be answered. No one dared to step outside the bounds of religion’s control and those who did were quickly shunned and thrown out.  There was little to none outside world connection.

When you are raised in such an environment, you adapt. except I couldn’t.  I really tried hard to fit the mold but it wasn’t happening for me.  None of it made sense.  Well sure it made sense if you only knew what they told you, nothing more.  It made perfect sense and you wouldn’t have known you could even question this realty.  The problem for me and what set me apart from as far as I know every single one of them was that since I was old enough to think I had to ability to see and hear outside of my selfish emotions.  I was like an adult living in a child’s body. I would be told an answer to my great questions but inside I heard a different answer.  One that came from deep inside and what I thought at the time was ‘God’.  So I lived to realities.  Outside I was the perfect little Amish girl but inside I was a major intellect and philosopher.  And on the not so rare occasion that the inside reality spilled into the outside reality, my dad did his best to squash it, big time! I wasn’t allowed to read books from outside the cult.  And since we had no movies, TV, sports, or culture I had no where to get different ideas I had to rely solely on my inner voice who told me the answers to the universe.

When we finally escaped the cult at my age of age 20, I was a very different person secretly.  (I had even joined that church through their rituals to keep the leaders off my back.)  My family and I carefully dipped our toes into the outside world and slowly melted in.  My mom though still keeping tight to her own interpretation of the bible . I went on into business as that’s what I had a gift for.

My family except my dad and youngest sister, right before we left our home.

Now this is where online marketing comes in.  Just before my mom and my siblings and I escaped I had discovered online marketing.  For a girl who didn’t so much as have a certificate for proof of schooling, it was very attractive way of making good money and besides with women not being allowed to have jobs there, I wasn’t used to to the idea of a 9-5 at all!  So I delved into that, having no clue about how anything out here works.  LOL!  I enjoyed it for a while but being the curiosity I was I discovered I could find out anything out the internet I wanted and as people’s journeys go, things cross your path at all the right times to push you on.  When you search you will find!

 

Now almost 9 months ago, the opportunity came up for me to quit my very good job that I loved and take a leap of faith and go into online marketing full time.  Needless to say, I jumped.  Yep I’m a major risk taker and I jump at the scent of a new and productive path.  So now I’m a full time entrepreneur.  I even made my on product!  But I was quickly getting disappointed with this path.  In the sense that I did not like the idea of cheating people or talking them into something I didn’t believe in myself.  This is where millionaire mentor comes in.  I am very big on coaches and mentors.  You can save a heck of a lot of time, trouble and money by getting someone who’s already been there and knows the ins and outs of whatever you want to do or be.  So naturally while this meant was for making lots of money essentially, money is always a byproduct.  Cue personal development.  Now I’m learning a lot of crap about myself and it’s not very pretty.  I’m highly disappointed in who I am and who I’ve become.  So cue depression.  Something you struggle from when you are trying to live two realities and you can’t make up your mind about which one you want to live in permanently. 

The Age Old Question

My happy place- the beach.

Don’t get me wrong personal development is awesome and very needful.  You just need support and love to get through it.  I learned early on that I would have to give myself what I wanted cause no one else was going to be there to give it to me.  So I learned self love.  Which made all the difference.  I learned to truly love myself and accept and forgive my past.  Well I’m still working on that!  But anyway now all this new and wonderful knowledge and experience is piling up on top of everything I was taught, the stuff ingrained into my DNA.  And the two aren’t reconciling let me tell you.  Depressionnnnnnnn…  Oh well I’ve come to understand that in my times of deepest angst, I learn the coolest stuff.  So now my personal mission is to figure out what was the truth about God.  I had been, up until this time, content with what I knew about him.  I was focused on surviving on a practically new planet.  I had a boyfriend, my first since we weren’t allowed to date in the cult, so that was another thing I was trying to figure out to.  Then with living on my own, getting jobs etc it was a lot to try and balance when you had no experience with the reality of it.  So many things to figure out and learn and try not to mess up, you know.

But I really had to figure this out now.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to move forward physically until I had figured it out spiritually.  “What is physical cannot be without first existing in the spiritual.”  I don’t remember who said that first.

Answers, Finally

Anyway, I started by earnestly begging God to show me who he really was and why what I knew about him and his so called words wasn’t lining up with all this stuff that made so much more sense.  Well the universe definitely responded. Now this post isn’t to tell you everything I learned because I’d be writing forever but it is about my journey.  I also don’t want to sabotage your journey by revealing things to you that your reality may not be ready to accept.  Don’t take that wrong.  There will be a lot of different people in different levels reading this and I don’t want to send you away because we disagree on technicalities. Back to the subject. I learned the truth about God, and religion, and Jesus, and the Bible, and really the basis for everything.  OK can I just say that I’m in a completely different realm ow and it is awesome!  

I continued and continuing to search as I don’t know where it will lead me.  I’m so excited and eager for life to happen to me.  It’s so beautiful and amazing and gorgeous.  I don’t know how anyone would not want to live.

Contemplating My Journey

Now why did this happen to me?  Well I’ll tell you for one that this happens when you are a seeker.  You find.  And if you want to know then you will learn.  Many people are under the illusion that stuff just happens to you.  That person just happened to be lucky or beautiful or rich or famous.  TV and movies are really good at showing us that all these famous people get what everyone wants, by accident.  That is such a huge lie.  We all have the same brain and heart and all came from the same creator.  We all get hope.  We all have the same chance.  We all are smart.  If we want we will get.  It really is that simple.  The only thing that set me apart was that I didn’t settle.  I keep wanting more and more!  I learn the answers to my questions and it raises new ones which I then go searching for.  Life is a journey and you’re the one walking.  You can turn and stop and go at any time you want.

The universe spills its secrets to whoever wants to have them.  You are the universe and you have all of your answers inside of you already.  You need to find them.  Don’t be afraid of what you may encounter along the way.  Life always changes, it never stays the same.  It does what ever you want it too.  You are in control of your reality.  Own it!!!!

The Universe has Your Back, You are the Universe

Ask your heart, it cannot know lies, only your mind can.  Your heart will always tell you the truth.  Please for the love of all start asking and looking.

I want nothing more than to give you hope back.  It’s yours.  Don’t let anyone or anything steal it from you!

I told this story of mine once again to remind you that we have all had a crazy time on this planet.  The cool thing is though that this crazy time is giving us one crazy story!  I love it, I love telling it.  I just love the look on people’s faces when I tell them what I’ve been through because they can’t believe it based on who I am now.  They can’t understand how that made me into a wonderful (hopefully to you also) person!

I know I was made for greatness, you are too by the way.  But since I still was finding my foundation it caused me to float around and not be consistent.  Now I have something to build on and I hope that I can help you find your foundation too.  I think that everyone needs to find their real purpose for existence and the purpose of the universe to be successful in anything.  When you know the basics as they say, everything else falls into place.  Everything makes sense and you can move forward. Let’s go!

 

Disclaimer: Nope I didn’t create a product out of this for you to buy.  Sorry.  I want to be friends and build community around the world.  Maybe sometime I will get clarity on how to provide the world with my influence.  But for now I don’t have it all together and the journey is still continuing.  So please find me on social media, I’m on all the major platforms, and let’s help each other make the world the best place.  Heaven and hell aren’t a location in the sky.  They’re right here on Earth and we create them.

Love and Light to You All!

Emma

One thought on “Why I Disappeared for 5 Months

  • January 2, 2018 at 8:32 pm
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    Emma I love you ❤️ you are simply amazing and I am thankful you are part of our journey! I am excited for you to continue stretching and growing and bringing light to this beautiful world 🌎 I am glad to see you back after lots of reflecting. Thank you for sharing your heart and being courageous enough to share!

    Btw I love the pictures you shared in this post ❤️

    Reply

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